Read the full column here, but the gist is a gal wrote in about meeting her boyfriend’s ex and now feels super insecure because a) the ex was a knockout and b) the boyfriend’s last relationship ended because he was insecure about his knockout leaving him. What with her being a knockout.
Here’s why I’m a non-believer in love at first sight. There are two ways to be in love. One is to fall for the individual, and that can include looks, mannerisms, voice, beliefs, talents, education, and a whole lot of very important attributes.
The other way is to fall for what you and this person create together. Seamless conversation, easy laughter, a need to explain yourselves that verges on zero, a mutual and rewarding sense of purpose, a lack of self-consciousness, emotional security, and both the knowledge that you can take this person for granted and the certainty that you don’t want to, because you want to give as fully as you receive.
And what I love about her advice – she goes on to elaborate that you can choose between attributes – what makes so-and-so great – and alchemy – what makes us so great together – is not only that it reminds me of what I’m really looking for in this lovelorn world of ours… but it allows for so much more self-forgiveness. I don’t have to be perfect, to look perfect, to carry myself in the perfect way or say the perfect thing… because the best possible relationship out there for me is not only going to allow for all those foibles… it’s going to be the best possible relationship BECAUSE of all those foibles.