Fun with Gigantor: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend edition

It’s been awhile since Captain 3.96 GPA regaled us with his insights, but he’s been home or whatever so I’ve had to make do with alarming text messages like:

Gigantor: “Can we talk? I’m on a precipice”

and, during a discussion of my lovelorn lovelife, in which I’m talking about unrequited amor and he’s talking about precious metals and international mining practices…well, let me try to quote:

Me: “Why am I making the same mistakes I made when I was 14?!”

Gigantor: “When I grow up I’m going to be the best person ever, and I’m not going to make any of the same mistakes everyone else has made.”

Me: “Great, so yours will be much much worse since all the basic ones are covered.”

G: “No, see, my worst will be everyone else’s superbest.”

M: “. . .”

G: “Like, gold. At my worst I will try to make supergold and come up with regular gold.”

M: “Did you not read King Midas?”

G: “He turned his daughter into gold. I’m just making it, and nobody who has gold would argue that less gold is better than more gold.”

M: “I’m pretty sure that story was just a metaphor about hubris, inflation, depreciation, and glutting the market.”

G: “Well then the gold industry will pay me not to glut the market. Like DeBeers. Think of DeBeers.”

M: “I don’t want to think of DeBeers.”

G: “Just think of DeBeers. They mine way more diamonds than they can sell–”

M: “No! I want to skip ahead to the part where I’m in a happy, successful relationship.”

G: “. . .Well, DeBeers would have you think that requires diamonds, so maybe our two conversations can converge.”

M: “. . . that was a very Big Bang Theory moment.”

G: “I’m both happy and sad about that.”

Anyway, the point is I guess I miss the kid, or whatever. Right after I whined about feeling like a teenager, I rejected his advice that I not get any tattoos below the elbow or above the neck on the grounds that he has no idea about anything and is an infant. And then he pointed out that there’s little more teenage-like than rejecting other people’s helpful suggestions. Sigh.

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