Reverb10 Days 18 and 19

December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I want to try to get into grad school. I’m so afraid of jinxing it, or of telling so many people about it that there’s no way it could happen for me… I’ll be finalizing my portfolio when I got home for the holidays and trying to put my best foot forward…Cross your fingers for me, y’all, and hope that somehow I’m better than all the other aspiring creative nonfiction mfas in the country. THX.

As I’ve already talked about, this year I thought I was ready to leave New York to dive into teaching and I didn’t get past the final interview, which was pretty crushing. But! In sobriety I’ve at least learned to actually go for things that I want instead of choosing the easier softer way all the time. Also, not getting into TFA was a blessing in (really super dense) disguise – I don’t think I was ready to leave New York in any way shape or form. Plus I’d never have written for TXT MSG or met Gracie or learned what I really wanted to do, which is not teaching HS English but teaching college-level writing. SO.

Whatever’s supposed to happen is exactly what will happen. But I’d like it if it was grad school.

December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

Hm. Oh, I know. ARCH SUPPORTS. When I first started at the House O’ Ceramic Whimsy, I was wearing beat-up sneakers and “please don’t look at me, I don’t know the answer” posture. After my first 65 hour week (35 at a desk and 30 hours at HOCW), I invested in new sneakers and also arch supports that now, I cannot live without.

Along with healing me of foot pain, the experience of blissful standing-up-itude managed to cure me of any desire to wear heels, ever. When I first moved to NY I was in love with the chic sophisticated women trop-trop-tropping their way around the city, and I ravaged Payless’ 8 1/2 wide shoe selection to find the coolest boots and pumps and improbable strappy things…. and now… which is to say, yesterday, I tried wearing one of those pairs of boots on a day long outing with Gigantor and some relatives and…

Let’s just say those boots are in a trashcan in front of the Times Square Modells right now because I bought sneakers and changed into them in the AMC theater lobby. Because I’m classy like that.

Living free of pain caused by societal beauty rituals is a feminist act for me, and 2010 was the year I finally embraced it.

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