I introduced you guys to the way MKP’s Crazybrain works in a post last year following a run-in with a type of Manhattan male I have called The Freakshow.
When I’m keeping myself on a pretty even keel with work and sleep and downtime and exercise and eating well, the Crazybrain generally stays in her crate and confines herself to observations like That guy on the subway is reading a really stupid book. You should knock it on the floor and then smile maniacally at him. Then pull his hat down over his eyes. and RUN. The Crazybrain then demonstrates the maniac grin in my head. I then laugh aloud involuntarily and the Crazybrain is placated.
Crazybrain is somewhat useful when a fledgling relationship is not going well: He totally stood you up and was disrespectful in his 18 character text message explaining why he couldn’t come. Call him crying and say you’re not going to be used like this and he should just go die in a fire. No, no, wait, make a date with him, but when he shows up dump a box of stuff at his feet and say you never want to see him again. it doesn’t even have to be his stuff. Just make a scene. MAKE A SCENE. Ok, useful in the sense that she often knows that a relationship is totally doomed and just wants to have the most fun possible while kicking the guy to the curb. Resisting the crazybrain’s theatrics has led me to prolong a seriously flawed entanglement more than once.
But she is at her most dangerous when things are new, and there’s no script to follow, no patterns yet established, just a spark and maybe a little laughter over coffee. That’s when she imagines everything from kids and two-and-a-half baths to a tabloid murder mystery ending. To confirm that each little step forward is not a Wile E Coyote style move, I frequently call in K-Cup, aka The Conscience.
M: Sunday if I haven’t heard anything by like…8:30ish I’ll shoot him an email.
K: Good plan!
M: The email will say ZOMG I LUV UUUU y/n/omg-y?
M: …..I knew you hated me.
K: Just testing to see if you’re listening
M: Crazybrain’s all "THE CONSCIENCE SAID IT WAS OK, GO FOR ITTTT"
Brace yourselves folks.