What NYC needs is MORE LAWS

From There Ought To Be A Law in the NY Times to Feministe’s worthy addenda…

I agree with all of these, though I will observe that there’s plenty of bag-and-feet-on-seats enforcement, or there was at the beginning of the summer. I watched a kid get hauled off an R train at 2 am once (what was I doing there? Immaterial!), and Gigantor himself was troubled by a persnickity cop type person earlier this year. And I like yarn-bombing. So there.

And to these judicious observations I will add a top 5 list of my own….

1. There should be a fine for opening recently purchased Apple products on the train. There’s nothing on your effing ipad yet and it just makes me want to steal your new toy.

2. If your child or young ward is screaming bloody murder on the train, please at least make some effort to comfort little Mason or Trelawny so we know you’re probably not actually murdering him.

3. This one is actually on behalf of the tourists, NYers – if people come visit you in our great metropolis, they are going to have tons of questions. Please educate yourself so you can answer them with some degree of accuracy/factualness. I had to listen to a woman kvetch IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM on her cell phone because her boyfriend came to town and like, wanted to just walk everywhere, and wanted to like, know what that building was and like, I don’t know I just live here!!! Baloney. Read a book. Know some stuff.

4. Reading/watching over people’s shoulders – rude in real life, rude on the MTA. Probably worth a $35

5. Leaving piles of vomit around unattended. The Roommate Formerly Known As Mtastic was entertaining an out of town guest a while ago, and had to steer them away from stepping in the mass of puddled grossness at the foot of a subway staircase. Because it’s practically a given that someone who lives and works here on a daily basis is constantly watching out for bodily effluvia on municipal property, but tourists don’t know. And what you don’t know just might give you hepatitis.

5.